I've been sick with the flu now for exactly 10 days, going on my 11th day today. It's so funny how frustrated we get when our worldly order is disrupted - be it as simple as the ability to get up every morning, get ready, read, pray, stare at randoms on the subway, get to the office, get work done, bond with fellow colleagues, return the same route, contemplating the worldly happenings, do some personal work, and then crash and burn, only to repeat the same routine once again. Yet, when this routine is disrupted, as has been for me for what seems like forever, it's these very moments that make us grateful for blessings we take for granted.
Last week, right when I felt the comings of the flu, I remember grabbing a green tea on my way from work to see a friend at the hospital, hoping it would soothe my throat and the pounding headache, so that I could ignore it and sit with my friend. I remember taking the elevators up to a section of the hospital where every room and every bed it seems was taken up by extremely old and frail looking people - some of them had family members around them while others just lay there, helpless and quiet as they were taken care of by nurses.
I had gone in to see a good friend of mine. She's approximately 27 years old and we both went to university together. She has two young little kids now who are absolutely adorable mashAllah. The journey she has been through will leave you and me speechless. Over the course of her young life, she's had 15 surgeries, two strokes, and since last week, had been in the hospital, constantly for over 2 months now - and the doctors have been trying to figure things out.
I remember as I sat there, watching how frail she'd gotten over time and how much weight she'd lost, I had to fight back tears; but then I realized, the one who should be crying should be me - but I was crying for the wrong reason. I should be crying for being so ungrateful;
Let me explain.
As we were talking about her road to recovery, her sickness, she sat there and asked me, "Aisha, how is it outside. I haven't been outside in the last three months - and the windows here don't open for fear of people committing suicide." I joked at the time and told her she didn't miss much - it's been a brutal winter. We joked somewhere, chatted, and then I left. On my way down the elevator and this entire week - that's what I realized. We as human beings are so ungrateful. I realized I could easily be in her position. I could easily be any of those people who I saw on my way out of the hospital - paralyzed, blind, mentally disabled, blind, not able to go to the bathroom - but I'm not.
And this my dear readers is the point. How many times do we get up and are truly grateful and truly say Alhamdullilah (all praise, gratitude and thanks is to the Almighty) -from our hearts- for the clothes on our back, for the food on the table, for the eyes that let us see, the hands that let us type, the heart that beats every single second for every single day, the family and friends we have....I've been sick - and I've been frustrated and fed up - but it could be worse. It could always be worse.
Be grateful - someone would give up their whole life to be where you and I are today.
Alhamdullialh.
"And He gave you of all that you asked from Him, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them" - Quran - 14:34
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Miracles and God - Courtesy of the Muslim Chaplaincy
Every single thing around us is a miracle and one of the may
countless wonders of Allah’s (God’s) creation. Whether it be the profound way
in which our body works day in and day out to keep us going till our death, or
the way nature evolves through the different seasons. From the minute to the
bigger things in the world, we’re always taught to understand, as the Quran
teaches us, that these are all the the magnificence of Allah’s creation. But
I’m not going to lie, up until very recently, I don’t think I truly took this
heart and really contemplated about it.
I recently started taking a course downtown through the
Muslim Chaplaincy at the University of Toronto called “Knowing The One,” which
explores our understanding of God, from an Islamic and theological perspective.
It was only a week or so ago, where the instructor asked us to contemplate
about miracles and our understanding of it. In the western society, if you
think about it, miracles are anything out of the ordinary. For instance, he
gave us this example about a doctor who appeared on Oprah and has been
delivering babies for a very long time, and since he’s been seeing it happen on
a regular basis day in and day out, it’s sort become a “norm” per say. But he
came on Oprah because he was talking about a miraculous case, where the baby
was born and wasn’t crying or doing anything, and then suddenly, started
crying. Given that he had never seen anything like this in his career, he
considered this to be a miracle – something out of the ordinary that he has
experienced for the first time, and therefore, as a society, we accept this to
be a miracle as well.
Our entire worldview is based on our own experiences – so
similar to this doctor, first time we see a child being born, it’s a miracle,
but then you know what to expect. As such, if you witness it again, your
attitude is pretty much “meh, I knew that was going to happen.” The more I
think about this approach in our way of being and thinking, the more I realize
it to be true. I was talking to a friend about this very topic, and she shared
an incident with me; her and her husband were in an elevator in the CN Tower
and there were a group of out of towners, who were so fascinated and marvelled
being in the elevator – you could see the sheer excitement and intrigue on their
faces.
Think about this for one more second.
For us, being in an
elevator – standing and being taken up miles and miles above ground is no big
deal because of our repeated experiences that we’ve taken for granted. However,
you have people going through similar experiences, for the very first time, and
they’re in complete awe.
Back to the class, the instructor then made a comment that
has resonated with me ever since – what an arrogant way of thinking we have. If
we don’t experience something as we expect it, we claim it to be a miracle. If
we do experience it, no matter how miraculous it may be (the fact that we can
see or the way our eyes work of that matter), we expect it and thereby take it
for granted.
It’s all about the “me,
myself and I” mentality.
We fail to give thanks and gratitude to He who is always
constant, He who never ceases to exists, He who despite my thanklessness to Him
for eyes that can see, hands that can type, an intellect that can think,
parents, family, friends – continues to give and provide ways to and for me,
even with my ungrateful attitude.
I’m sitting in a plane as I type this, and as the plane was
taking off and the sun was slowly setting,
thinking and reflecting about all of this, I have only but one word –
SubhanAlalh – how absolutely perfect is all this, Alhamdullilah – all greatness
is due to Him.
If you haven’t already heard, the Muslim Chaplaincy is
reaching out to the community to provide funding so that Muslim youth within
the university have support, guidance and access to an outlet, where spiritual
well-being can be provided.
Even if you can’t commit to $30/month, given. Even if it is
a dollar today, at this very moment – because know that every single student that benefits and comes
closer to the deen, you will get reward for both. And which one of us are not
in need of His mercy?
http://mcuoft.com/30lives/
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Attempting to Un-Taboo the Taboo Topic: Sexual Abuse
She must have been seven or eight old at the time. Every day, at precisely 7 pm, she would run downstairs, past her mother, as she would ask her to slow down, so not to fall - but who could stop a wild, crazy, excited seven year old from racing down the stairs, past the roses and flowers in the garden to open the gate for her teacher who would always greet her with the words "Assalamualiakum" (May peace be with you), and would race back (or pretend to do so) up the stairs into her home. The home where she was surrounded by family members who loved her, cared for her, and protected her.
Something strange began to happen. After teaching her, on occasions, he would ask her to come sit beside him. He would sometimes put his hand and rub her on her thigh. It's interesting how kids have such an amazing intuition for things that are out of the ordinary. The first time it happened, she knew it wasn't right but couldn't quite make sense of it; however, she was on radar; the following times he encouraged her to come closer, she would just treat it like a game and do whatever she needed to avoid the situation. One day though, caught off guard, she became a victim of sexual assault. From then on, she knew for a fact that what happened was just weird, uncomfortable and not right. And thankfully enough, that was the very last time. As a child though, it is these instances that become the scars inside of us as we grow older. For years, she would have nightmares about a teacher chasing her up the stairs and she would abruptly wak up, flustered, only to realize that thankfully, it was a nightmare.
It was the education system that taught her exactly what sexual assault meant. It was then, when she was ten years old, that she put the pieces together and came to terms with what had happened to her. At that moment, she promised herself that she would never let the horror she lived through be a part of anyone else's journey - especially those she loved. So she went home that day and explained to her baby brother, in very simple terms, the importance of his body and who has no right to touch it. And then she locked that memory away; or so she thought...
Years later, she was at a conference where a Chaplain was speaking about the issue of sexual abuse and assualt in the Muslim community; ironically enough, he talked about another young lady who came to see him, saying that she was sexually assaulted by her Quran teacher on a regular basis - and now, she had no idea how to make sense of what happened. The Chaplain (working in New York City), continued to share traumatizing stories of women and men - sexually assaulted at young ages, being raped, victimized - and having no support system within their communities or being able to talk about it.
Then, it all came rushing back to her - all that she had locked away in the back of her mind - but she knew that the only way out was to address it; so she sought help; she spoke to trusted friends, family and community member, who helped her make sense of it and come to terms with it. And yes, it hurt her like you won't even believe. But like the community member explained to her (a very respected one at that) - what happens to a wound when you first try to treat it? It stings and burns and hurts; but you have to bear the first bit of pain because that's the first step to healing it; then as you put the band-aid on and continue to treat it, it will heal - with time and patience. And indeed, she healed.
"Verily, along with every hardship there is relief; verily along with every hardship there is relied (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs)" [95:5-6]
--
The above are the true accounts of real people. And there are thousands upon thousands of these situations that women (and men- although we may not hear about it as often), as young children, experience. Yes, even today, in the year 2014. Just within last year, I've had conversations with two people about this issue in the community. And in the Muslim community, it's even tougher to address because it's such a taboo topic. Anything with the word "sex" in the Muslim community is synonymous with the idea of He-Who-Must-Not-be-Named (Harry Potter reference) - you can't utter it and if you do, everything and everyone comes to a standstill. But thankfully, I'm so grateful that we do have respected community elders who are talking about these issues - and not just the surface issue of sexual assault and how to address this topic, but also addressing the root causes such as the relationship between a husband and wife, the importance of respect, honour and dignity amongst both, and some of the more challenging topics such as porn addiction, domestic violence and yes, youth suicide - and yes, suicide, while not permissible in Islam, is also happening in our communities. The youth are struggling and don't know who to talk to or where to turn to for help.
We need to bring back voices in our communities. We need to bring back support systems so that we can regain that sense of pride in our identity, and be able to stand bold, confident and say, "Yes I'm Muslim, yes I pray 5 times a day, and even if you paid me a million dollars, I wouldn't have it any other way!"
But till we start talking about these issues, nothing will change. Even at a family level - remember, true change begins within ourselves and our homes; only then can we start to address these issues at a community level.
I sincerely hope and pray that God gives us the strength, courage, and wisdom to be true agents of change and help ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations, and our world to heal and become a better place for all. Ameen.
Something strange began to happen. After teaching her, on occasions, he would ask her to come sit beside him. He would sometimes put his hand and rub her on her thigh. It's interesting how kids have such an amazing intuition for things that are out of the ordinary. The first time it happened, she knew it wasn't right but couldn't quite make sense of it; however, she was on radar; the following times he encouraged her to come closer, she would just treat it like a game and do whatever she needed to avoid the situation. One day though, caught off guard, she became a victim of sexual assault. From then on, she knew for a fact that what happened was just weird, uncomfortable and not right. And thankfully enough, that was the very last time. As a child though, it is these instances that become the scars inside of us as we grow older. For years, she would have nightmares about a teacher chasing her up the stairs and she would abruptly wak up, flustered, only to realize that thankfully, it was a nightmare.
It was the education system that taught her exactly what sexual assault meant. It was then, when she was ten years old, that she put the pieces together and came to terms with what had happened to her. At that moment, she promised herself that she would never let the horror she lived through be a part of anyone else's journey - especially those she loved. So she went home that day and explained to her baby brother, in very simple terms, the importance of his body and who has no right to touch it. And then she locked that memory away; or so she thought...
Years later, she was at a conference where a Chaplain was speaking about the issue of sexual abuse and assualt in the Muslim community; ironically enough, he talked about another young lady who came to see him, saying that she was sexually assaulted by her Quran teacher on a regular basis - and now, she had no idea how to make sense of what happened. The Chaplain (working in New York City), continued to share traumatizing stories of women and men - sexually assaulted at young ages, being raped, victimized - and having no support system within their communities or being able to talk about it.
Then, it all came rushing back to her - all that she had locked away in the back of her mind - but she knew that the only way out was to address it; so she sought help; she spoke to trusted friends, family and community member, who helped her make sense of it and come to terms with it. And yes, it hurt her like you won't even believe. But like the community member explained to her (a very respected one at that) - what happens to a wound when you first try to treat it? It stings and burns and hurts; but you have to bear the first bit of pain because that's the first step to healing it; then as you put the band-aid on and continue to treat it, it will heal - with time and patience. And indeed, she healed.
"Verily, along with every hardship there is relief; verily along with every hardship there is relied (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs)" [95:5-6]
--
The above are the true accounts of real people. And there are thousands upon thousands of these situations that women (and men- although we may not hear about it as often), as young children, experience. Yes, even today, in the year 2014. Just within last year, I've had conversations with two people about this issue in the community. And in the Muslim community, it's even tougher to address because it's such a taboo topic. Anything with the word "sex" in the Muslim community is synonymous with the idea of He-Who-Must-Not-be-Named (Harry Potter reference) - you can't utter it and if you do, everything and everyone comes to a standstill. But thankfully, I'm so grateful that we do have respected community elders who are talking about these issues - and not just the surface issue of sexual assault and how to address this topic, but also addressing the root causes such as the relationship between a husband and wife, the importance of respect, honour and dignity amongst both, and some of the more challenging topics such as porn addiction, domestic violence and yes, youth suicide - and yes, suicide, while not permissible in Islam, is also happening in our communities. The youth are struggling and don't know who to talk to or where to turn to for help.
We need to bring back voices in our communities. We need to bring back support systems so that we can regain that sense of pride in our identity, and be able to stand bold, confident and say, "Yes I'm Muslim, yes I pray 5 times a day, and even if you paid me a million dollars, I wouldn't have it any other way!"
But till we start talking about these issues, nothing will change. Even at a family level - remember, true change begins within ourselves and our homes; only then can we start to address these issues at a community level.
I sincerely hope and pray that God gives us the strength, courage, and wisdom to be true agents of change and help ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations, and our world to heal and become a better place for all. Ameen.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
FB Post: Liked. The End.
My siblings and I were talking recently about the use of facebook and social media; I was telling my sister that I use Facebook as a means to raise awareness about issues we as a community don't often feel comfortable talking about -but the reality is, for the majority of us (myself included), facebook is just another means of social entertainment. (not undermining that some of the greatest revolutions happened through faacebook and twitter - but generally speaking). Anyways, back to my point; my sister made an interesting observation; for instance, when I post randomness related to the weather or caffeine, the number of likes and comments I receive on those outnumber many of the other more "serious" posts related to say child pornography for example. I think that got only one like, and no comments. Why is it ok for us to be silent? Because the reality is we choose what we want to see; if we don't want to learn about Syria or Sri Lanka or Bangladesh, or dirt in our own backyard, all we do is hit the "x" on our browser and voila! - it disappears from our screens, reassuring us that all is right in our world - the world we've created that fits so perfectly to our likings, needs and desires.We may ignore it today - but it may be our reality tomorrow....
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Thinking out loud...
Chances are that if you're reading this, you are richer than most people on this planet; you have the basic necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter), and you have some additional luxuries such as access to the internet, you can read and write (and yes, believe it or not, even now, education is a luxury which many still can't afford), family, friends...if you and I were to sit and count all of the blessings we have in our lives, myself included, we could likely go on for quite some time just talking about that. But what I want to tackle today is what are we doing with these luxuries, myself included.
Take money for instance - as young adults, we prize ourselves on the fact that we have a job and are able to pay the bills and make ends meet; but what's the point of all this money if all we do is the bare minimum - pay bills, and go on shopping and eating sprees? Or what about our time - which I like to refer to as this foreign concept that I can longer make sense of - in between life's obligations like work, school, job, friends, family, religion - there's very little left of it - and even that which we do have, I'll be the first one to admit that I should receive the procrastinator, time-waster award of the year...the case in point is this - what are we really doing with our lives? Are we just going about as robots, treating every phase in our life as a ritual practice - minding our own business, making ends meet, immune or better yet, somehow trained ourselves to ignore and desensitize ourselves to all the turmoil, trials and tribulations that we know are happening - in our own backyards and all around the world....
I was reading the article by Nosheen Iqbal about Dr. Abbas Khan's mother's response to her son's murder in Syria (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/07/british-doctor-abbas-khan-syrian-jail-murdered) - who basically left this world serving others; he first went to Turkey for ten days to treat injured Syrian refugees and then went to Syria where he was captured and then eventually killed - for serving others. I personally know of another friend's husband who died in Egypt while peacefully protesting, someone else who's being held captive, family of friends who live in fear every day in Iraq - women afraid of being raped, men afraid of being kidnapped...and in our own Canadian backyards, human trafficking (yup right here: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/thunder-bay/native-canadian-women-sold-on-u-s-ships-researcher-says-1.1325167), youth suicides in Northern communities - conditions equivalent to third world countries if not worse, domestic violence/abuse...the list goes on and on...
Let's be proactive in our efforts - it's our moral and basic human responsibility to help one another, stand up and support one another; stand side by side against oppression, violence, poverty, abuse...I'm not saying we pack our bags and go, but let's think and be creative in how we can give back with all the blessings we do have in our lives...whether it be through donations, volunteering for an organization, or just helping someone in need...
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in
the service of others." - Mahatma Gandhi
Monday, December 30, 2013
New Year - Old Trials, Old Tribulations
I was at Reviving the Islamic Spirit Conference (an annual youth led conference) and happened to stop by the Toronto Police booth in the Bazaar area; I was speaking to the officer about his work and he told me that one of the reasons they were at this conference was to break the stereotypical image of cops as portrayed in the media, and actually highlight that the police department has a wide range of services and areas of work. He then went on to ask me why I didn't consider pursuing this field of work. I very simply stated the obvious - cus' I'm brown and my mom would never approve; and that's when he told me that in Ontario, they have hijabs created as part of uniforms, but they need someone to wear it;
I asked myself (silently), more than representing the diverse community in Toronto, why would we need hijabi officers in the community? He told me that in the Rexdale area, they unfortunately (remember we live in 2013 going on to 2014), get many cases of domestic abuse and he told me that a lot of these women are uncomfortable disclosing to the officers their situation, let alone the details. He told me, imagine then the level of comfort and openness they would feel if they saw a female, hijabi as an officer.
When he said that I remembered my time helping out with Mercy Mission Canada and the launch and establishment of the Women's Resource Centre and the Muslim Women's Helpline - during our conversations in the preliminary stages of the work, the issue of domestic violence and abuse was and I think continues to be, at the forefront in ensuring victims of such abuse (some of the stories will haunt you to the very core of your being) have an outlet and a support system they can rely on. I shared this with the cop and he unfortunately attested to the reality of domestic abuse in our communities.
I took his card and flyer, said I'd consider it and left the bazaar. Shortly after (literally an hour later), a dear friend called me to ask what she should do, as she too was starting to find herself in a similar situation of domestic abuse. Two weeks ago, another friend of a friend was filing for divorce because she couldn't take the abuse anymore and called the cops on her husband.
The sad reality is that no matter how "advanced" or "feminist" our societies have become, the reality is that domestic violence and abuse - emotional, physical and psychological - happen on a daily and regular basis; some women withstand it because they have kids, some withstand it because they aren't able to find work and won't be able to live on their own, and others do it because patiently persevering it will give them reward and God will help them out.
Whether you agree with me or not, it's your prerogative. But there are a couple of things I will say:
I asked myself (silently), more than representing the diverse community in Toronto, why would we need hijabi officers in the community? He told me that in the Rexdale area, they unfortunately (remember we live in 2013 going on to 2014), get many cases of domestic abuse and he told me that a lot of these women are uncomfortable disclosing to the officers their situation, let alone the details. He told me, imagine then the level of comfort and openness they would feel if they saw a female, hijabi as an officer.
When he said that I remembered my time helping out with Mercy Mission Canada and the launch and establishment of the Women's Resource Centre and the Muslim Women's Helpline - during our conversations in the preliminary stages of the work, the issue of domestic violence and abuse was and I think continues to be, at the forefront in ensuring victims of such abuse (some of the stories will haunt you to the very core of your being) have an outlet and a support system they can rely on. I shared this with the cop and he unfortunately attested to the reality of domestic abuse in our communities.
I took his card and flyer, said I'd consider it and left the bazaar. Shortly after (literally an hour later), a dear friend called me to ask what she should do, as she too was starting to find herself in a similar situation of domestic abuse. Two weeks ago, another friend of a friend was filing for divorce because she couldn't take the abuse anymore and called the cops on her husband.
The sad reality is that no matter how "advanced" or "feminist" our societies have become, the reality is that domestic violence and abuse - emotional, physical and psychological - happen on a daily and regular basis; some women withstand it because they have kids, some withstand it because they aren't able to find work and won't be able to live on their own, and others do it because patiently persevering it will give them reward and God will help them out.
Whether you agree with me or not, it's your prerogative. But there are a couple of things I will say:
- If you're in such a situation, get out. It takes no genius to tell you that kids growing up in a broken home doesn't help them, and it certainly won't help the parents. Don't let culture and the "shame" you'll bring to the family's name stop you from doing so.
- No man has the right to treat you like trash. In the eyes of God, we are all equal - yes men and women were made differently - but God didn't prefer one gender over the other. In fact, there is a Hadith where the Prop Muhammad SAW said that the best of you is he who is best to his wives (paraphrased).
- And if you're sticking around because of patience, then I leave you a quote by Yasmin Mogahed from her video on Sabr (Patience): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mzFJikLyG8
"A lot of times, women are told that if they're being mistreated or abused, they're told to be patient. This concept of being patient against oppression is something that is not an Islamic concept...our body belongs to Allah swt...if someone is mistreating our body, they're mistreating a trust that Allah swt has given us and so it's upon us to take care of it; and part of taking care of it is not letting anyone harm it, oppress it, take over it."
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
I wish.
I wish we lived in a world where everything was fair and just
I wish we lived in a world where a child could grow up in a complete home - not a broken home
Not scarred by the harsh realities of the real world
Where a husband fought with his wife every day
And the child silently cried and watched it all unravel
I wish we lived in a world where a child's innocence remained
I wish we lived in a world where men respected women and women respected men
I wish we lived in a world that was free
Free from poverty
Free from discrimination
Free from racism
Free to speak and take a stand, without having to sacrifice one's life
I wish and I continue to wish
Only to realize that if my wishes were to come true
I would be in heaven
Not on earth
I wish we lived in a world where a child could grow up in a complete home - not a broken home
Not scarred by the harsh realities of the real world
Where a husband fought with his wife every day
And the child silently cried and watched it all unravel
I wish we lived in a world where a child's innocence remained
I wish we lived in a world where men respected women and women respected men
I wish we lived in a world that was free
Free from poverty
Free from discrimination
Free from racism
Free to speak and take a stand, without having to sacrifice one's life
I wish and I continue to wish
Only to realize that if my wishes were to come true
I would be in heaven
Not on earth
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