Seek. Aspire. Accomplish.

"What do you wanna do when you grow up?"

"I want to change the world" 

"One person can't change the world. Stop and relax - sleep, eat, and enjoy life" 

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socraetes

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I've been on this mission for about two years now to figure out what it is I want to do with my life, and finding a career path where I can give back to the community and make a meaningful difference. I've met many other young adults who are struggling with the same challenge and are out, just like I am, in search of an answer.

The reality of the situation is that it's going to be challenging finding this fulfillment and desire no matter where you go or what you choose to do; you could be on the ground working in the community, as a front line worker. As rewarding an experience it is to come home each day knowing you made a difference in someone's life, this path comes with it's own set of challenges - overworked, underpaid, funding issues, and the list continues. You may choose to pursue a path in for-profit organizations and government; here, again, while the pay may be great, you may feel demoralized with the work, unmotivated because you may feel that you're so far removed from the reality of things...

I write the above to make a very simple point which I've learnt from some very important and valuable people in my life; find something you love to do; what excites you every morning and every night; what is that "thing" that when you talk about it or read about, you can't stop and want to keep doing more and more? Once you find that "thing," no matter where you choose to work, you'll make a difference in the lives of people whether you may see it or not - whether it be on the ground, working with them one-on-one, or on a more strategic and systemic level.

I'll leave with one last point someone told me that hit really close to home. The problem with our generation is that we're so obsessed with changing the world and making large strides through our volunteer and regular work that we lose sight and focus of the little things we do in life that have an impact on others; whether it be something as simple as holding the door for someone or giving a dollar to a homeless person, or speaking out on an issue like violence. Take each day as it comes, with a commitment to making a difference - no matter how small or how big. This is not to say that we don't plan for the future; of course, we must do that and that's an important aspect of success - but do that while using each day as a stepping stone, leading up to that - and enjoying every moment.

For at the end of the day, it's really about those small moments that come to define us as we create our big moments.
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"Life is tough, that's a given. When you stand up, you're going to be shoved back down. When you're down, you're going to be stepped on. My advice to you doesn't come to you with a lot of bells and whistles; It's no secret: you'll fall down, you'll stumble, you'll get pushed, you'll land square on your face. And every time that happens, you can and [and you must] get back on your feet. You [must] get up just as fast as you can, no matter how many times you need to do it. Remember this: success has been and continues to be defined as getting up one more time than you've been knocked down."

Youth Suicide in the Muslim Community

Yup. It exists. Read it again. Absorb it. Accept that it is an unfortunate reality of the times we live in. Now, let's start by discussing and then committing to doing something about it.

The current of generation of Muslim youth are a product of mostly a previous immigrant generation. Our parents came to North America in search of a better life for us and for them in those times, it was about finding a job and putting food on the table so that we could go to school, become educated and not have to struggle as much as our parents did. As we were growing up and as our parents tried to hold on to cultural and religious values, as a society, we failed to address the challenges and peer pressures we're faced with growing up in the west.

As an entire Muslim community; from within the home to the institutions we have in place (Islamic school, masjids etc), we somehow were under the impression that the Muslim youth would be immune to the mainstream pressures every single child/teenager/adult faces. The reality is that we were and we are not immune. Drugs, alcohol, the dating culture and everything associated with it...these are all the realities of Muslims today. I know young Muslim brothers and sisters who are:

• Addicted to drugs and alcohol (beginning in their early high-school/university days and now in their early to mid-20s, still doing that while parents are asking them to settle down with good, religious men/women). 
• Dating and having relations outside of marriage - and yes, I'm talking about kids both inside and outside Islamic schools (yes, Islamic Schools) 

The above are just two examples (I bulleted the above two points so that they would stand out). I need not go through the entire list - I'm sure you can keep the list going. The unfortunate reality is that these issues are now trickling into our society and have manifested into many more complicated problems - the immediate effects include mental health issues including depression, and when the youth can't take it anymore, suicide is the ultimate, final resort. 

I know of two completed suicides of Muslim youth, and one, was ready to do so but alhamdullilah, found some support. At a lecture I was recently at, an Imam talked about how he was getting calls from Muslim families of youth who had committed suicide, and was asked to silently come, complete what was needed to be done and leave - the family not saying a word, in fear of shame of what people/society would think. 

As Muslims, one of our obligations and rights is to our neighbours. Here we are, in 2014, where Muslim youth are committing suicide and what are we doing about it? Absolutely nothing. What are we going to say to God when He asks us what we did to help them? Nothing? 

We have to come together, unite and help the Muslim youth. They are the future of Islam and tomorrow's leaders. 

It all comes down to us failing as a community. We need to realize that Muslim youth are prone and are facing the same challenges non-Muslim youth are facing. There are numerous support systems that are available for non-Muslim youth and they are able to take advantage of it. For Muslim youth, there are a two main challenges I see: 

1. If they are going through issues (drugs, alcohol etc), they know it's forbidden in Islam. As a result, out of fear, they don't talk to anybody, and don't know where to turn to for help or support. It is this lack of support and hopelessness that is potentially leading them to commit suicide.
2. Our masjids and communities - very few - have designated services, most importantly counsellors for Muslim youth who they can talk to to help sort out and work through these challenges - at a spiritual, emotional and practical level. 

Alhamdullilah, I think our communities are starting to change and we have religious leaders who can relate to youth start talking about some of these issues but I have yet to see someone explicitly say, ok today's talk will be on suicide. Again, it's a taboo topic in our community but it's up to us to untaboo it so we can talk about it, make the youth who are struggling to realize that there is a way out, there is help and there is hope. 

If you're a teacher, an educator, or work with Muslim youth in any capacity, be a source of support who they can talk to - youth need someone who they can trust and relate to, and before you know it, they will open up and express their fears. 

Please also refer anyone who may be going through any situation and need a confidential support, there is the Naseeha Muslim Youth Helpline (1-866-NASEEHA, http://naseeha.net/).

I'm hoping to focus and do more work on this, so stay-tuned inshAllah. In the meantime, please feel free to comment. 

Gratitude to the One and the Only

I've been sick with the flu now for exactly 10 days, going on my 11th day today. It's so funny how frustrated we get when our worldly order is disrupted - be it as simple as the ability to get up every morning, get ready, read, pray, stare at randoms on the subway, get to the office, get work done, bond with fellow colleagues, return the same route, contemplating the worldly happenings, do some personal work, and then crash and burn, only to repeat the same routine once again. Yet, when this routine is disrupted, as has been for me for what seems like forever, it's these very moments that make us grateful for blessings we take for granted.

Last week, right when I felt the comings of the flu, I remember grabbing a green tea on my way from work to see a friend at the hospital, hoping it would soothe my throat and the pounding headache, so that I could ignore it and sit with my friend. I remember taking the elevators up to a section of the hospital where every room and every bed it seems was taken up by extremely old and frail looking people - some of them had family members around them while others just lay there, helpless and quiet as they were taken care of by nurses.

I had gone in to see a good friend of mine. She's approximately 27 years old and we both went to university together. She has two young little kids now who are absolutely adorable mashAllah. The journey she has been through will leave you and me speechless. Over the course of her young life, she's had 15 surgeries, two strokes, and since last week, had been in the hospital, constantly for over 2 months now - and the doctors have been trying to figure things out.

I remember as I sat there, watching how frail she'd gotten over time and how much weight she'd lost, I had to fight back tears; but then I realized, the one who should be crying should be me - but I was crying for the wrong reason. I should be crying for being so ungrateful;

Let me explain.

As we were talking about her road to recovery, her sickness, she sat there and asked me, "Aisha, how is it outside. I haven't been outside in the last three months - and the windows here don't open for fear of people committing suicide." I joked at the time and told her she didn't miss much - it's been a brutal winter. We joked somewhere, chatted, and then I left. On my way down the elevator and this entire week - that's what I realized. We as human beings are so ungrateful. I realized I could easily be in her position. I could easily be any of those people who I saw on my way out of the hospital - paralyzed, blind, mentally disabled, blind, not able to go to the bathroom - but I'm not.

And this my dear readers is the point. How many times do we get up and are truly grateful and truly say Alhamdullilah (all praise, gratitude and thanks is to the Almighty) -from our hearts- for the clothes on our back, for the food on the table, for the eyes that let us see, the hands that let us type, the heart that beats every single second for every single day, the family and friends we have....I've been sick - and I've been frustrated and fed up - but it could be worse. It could always be worse.

Be grateful - someone would give up their whole life to be where you and I are today.

Alhamdullialh.

"And He gave you of all that you asked from Him, and if you count the Blessings of Allah, never will you be able to count them" - Quran - 14:34

Miracles and God - Courtesy of the Muslim Chaplaincy

Every single thing around us is a miracle and one of the may countless wonders of Allah’s (God’s) creation. Whether it be the profound way in which our body works day in and day out to keep us going till our death, or the way nature evolves through the different seasons. From the minute to the bigger things in the world, we’re always taught to understand, as the Quran teaches us, that these are all the the magnificence of Allah’s creation. But I’m not going to lie, up until very recently, I don’t think I truly took this heart and really contemplated about it.

I recently started taking a course downtown through the Muslim Chaplaincy at the University of Toronto called “Knowing The One,” which explores our understanding of God, from an Islamic and theological perspective. It was only a week or so ago, where the instructor asked us to contemplate about miracles and our understanding of it. In the western society, if you think about it, miracles are anything out of the ordinary. For instance, he gave us this example about a doctor who appeared on Oprah and has been delivering babies for a very long time, and since he’s been seeing it happen on a regular basis day in and day out, it’s sort become a “norm” per say. But he came on Oprah because he was talking about a miraculous case, where the baby was born and wasn’t crying or doing anything, and then suddenly, started crying. Given that he had never seen anything like this in his career, he considered this to be a miracle – something out of the ordinary that he has experienced for the first time, and therefore, as a society, we accept this to be a miracle as well.

Our entire worldview is based on our own experiences – so similar to this doctor, first time we see a child being born, it’s a miracle, but then you know what to expect. As such, if you witness it again, your attitude is pretty much “meh, I knew that was going to happen.” The more I think about this approach in our way of being and thinking, the more I realize it to be true. I was talking to a friend about this very topic, and she shared an incident with me; her and her husband were in an elevator in the CN Tower and there were a group of out of towners, who were so fascinated and marvelled being in the elevator – you could see the sheer excitement and intrigue on their faces.

Think about this for one more second.

 For us, being in an elevator – standing and being taken up miles and miles above ground is no big deal because of our repeated experiences that we’ve taken for granted. However, you have people going through similar experiences, for the very first time, and they’re in complete awe.

Back to the class, the instructor then made a comment that has resonated with me ever since – what an arrogant way of thinking we have. If we don’t experience something as we expect it, we claim it to be a miracle. If we do experience it, no matter how miraculous it may be (the fact that we can see or the way our eyes work of that matter), we expect it and thereby take it for granted.

It’s all about the “me, myself and I” mentality.

We fail to give thanks and gratitude to He who is always constant, He who never ceases to exists, He who despite my thanklessness to Him for eyes that can see, hands that can type, an intellect that can think, parents, family, friends – continues to give and provide ways to and for me, even with my ungrateful attitude.

I’m sitting in a plane as I type this, and as the plane was taking off and the sun was slowly setting,  thinking and reflecting about all of this, I have only but one word – SubhanAlalh – how absolutely perfect is all this, Alhamdullilah – all greatness is due to Him.

If you haven’t already heard, the Muslim Chaplaincy is reaching out to the community to provide funding so that Muslim youth within the university have support, guidance and access to an outlet, where spiritual well-being can be provided.

Even if you can’t commit to $30/month, given. Even if it is a dollar today, at this very moment – because know that every single student that benefits and comes closer to the deen, you will get reward for both. And which one of us are not in need of His mercy? 

http://mcuoft.com/30lives/

Attempting to Un-Taboo the Taboo Topic: Sexual Abuse

She must have been seven or eight old at the time. Every day, at precisely 7 pm, she would run downstairs, past her mother, as she would ask her to slow down, so not to fall - but who could stop a wild, crazy, excited seven year old from racing down the stairs, past the roses and flowers in the garden to open the gate for her teacher who would always greet her with the words "Assalamualiakum" (May peace be with you), and would race back (or pretend to do so)  up the stairs into her home. The home where she was surrounded by family members who loved her, cared for her, and protected her.

Something strange began to happen. After teaching her, on occasions, he would ask her to come sit beside him. He would sometimes put his hand and rub her on her thigh. It's interesting how kids have such an amazing intuition for things that are out of the ordinary. The first time it happened, she knew it wasn't right but couldn't quite make sense of it; however, she was on radar; the following times he encouraged her to come closer, she would just treat it like a game and do whatever she needed to avoid the situation. One day though, caught off guard, she became a victim of sexual assault. From then on, she knew for a fact that what happened was just weird, uncomfortable and not right. And thankfully enough, that was the very last time. As a child though, it is these instances that become the scars inside of us as we grow older. For years, she would have nightmares about a teacher chasing her up the stairs and she would abruptly wak up, flustered, only to realize that thankfully, it was a nightmare.

It was the education system that taught her exactly what sexual assault meant. It was then, when she was ten years old, that she put the pieces together and came to terms with what had happened to her. At that moment, she promised herself that she would never let the horror she lived through be a part of anyone else's journey - especially those she loved. So she went home that day and explained to her baby brother, in very simple terms, the importance of his body and who has no right to touch it. And then she locked that memory away; or so she thought...

Years later, she was at a conference where a Chaplain was speaking about the issue of sexual abuse and assualt in the Muslim community; ironically enough, he talked about another young lady who came to see him, saying that she was sexually assaulted by her Quran teacher on a regular basis - and now, she had no idea how to make sense of what happened. The Chaplain (working in New York City), continued to share traumatizing stories of women and men - sexually assaulted at young ages, being raped, victimized - and having no support system within their communities or being able to talk about it.

Then, it all came rushing back to her - all that she had locked away in the back of her mind - but she knew that the only way out was to address it; so she sought help; she spoke to trusted friends, family and community member, who helped her make sense of it and come to terms with it. And yes, it hurt her like you won't even believe. But like the community member explained to her (a very respected one at that) - what happens to a wound when you first try to treat it? It stings and burns and hurts; but you have to bear the first bit of pain because that's the first step to healing it; then as you put the band-aid on and continue to treat it, it will heal - with time and patience. And indeed, she healed.

"Verily, along with every hardship there is relief; verily along with every hardship there is relied (i.e. there is one hardship with two reliefs)" [95:5-6]
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The above are the true accounts of real people. And there are thousands  upon thousands of these situations that women (and men- although we may not hear about it as often), as young children, experience. Yes, even today, in the year 2014. Just within last year, I've had conversations with two people about this issue in the community. And in the Muslim community, it's even tougher to address because it's such a taboo topic. Anything with the word "sex" in the Muslim community is synonymous with the idea of He-Who-Must-Not-be-Named (Harry Potter reference) - you can't utter it and if you do, everything and everyone comes to a standstill. But thankfully, I'm so grateful that we do have respected community elders who are talking about these issues - and not just the surface issue of sexual assault and how to address this topic, but also addressing the root causes such as the relationship between a husband and wife, the importance of respect, honour and dignity amongst both, and some of the more challenging topics such as porn addiction, domestic violence and yes, youth suicide - and yes, suicide, while not permissible in Islam, is also happening in our communities. The youth are struggling and don't know who to talk to or where to turn to for help.

We need to bring back voices in our communities. We need to bring back support systems so that we can regain that sense of pride in our identity, and be able to stand bold, confident and say, "Yes I'm Muslim, yes I pray 5 times a day, and even if you paid me a million dollars, I wouldn't have it any other way!"

But till we start talking about these issues, nothing will change. Even at a family level - remember, true change begins within ourselves and our homes; only then can we start to address these issues at a community level.

I sincerely hope and pray that God gives us the strength, courage, and wisdom to be true agents of change and help ourselves, our families, our communities, our nations, and our world to heal and become a better place for all. Ameen.

FB Post: Liked. The End.

My siblings and I were talking recently about the use of facebook and social media; I was telling my sister that I use Facebook as a means to raise awareness about issues we as a community don't often feel comfortable talking about -but the reality is, for the majority of us (myself included), facebook is just another means of social entertainment. (not undermining that some of the greatest revolutions happened through faacebook and twitter - but generally speaking).  Anyways, back to my point; my sister made an interesting observation; for instance, when I post randomness related to the weather or caffeine, the number of likes and comments I receive on those outnumber many of the other more "serious" posts related to say child pornography for example. I think that got only one like, and no comments. Why is it ok for us to be silent? Because the reality is we choose what we want to see; if we don't want to learn about Syria or Sri Lanka or Bangladesh, or dirt in our own backyard, all we do is hit the "x" on our browser and voila! - it disappears from our screens, reassuring us that all is right in our world - the world we've created that fits so perfectly to our likings, needs and desires.We may ignore it today - but it may be our reality tomorrow....

Thinking out loud...

Chances are that if you're reading this, you are richer than most people on this planet; you have the basic necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter), and you have some additional luxuries such as access to the internet, you can read and write (and yes, believe it or not, even now, education is a luxury which many still can't afford), family, friends...if you and I were to sit and count all of the blessings we have in our lives, myself included, we could likely go on for quite some time just talking about that. But what I want to tackle today is what are we doing with these luxuries, myself included.

Take money for instance - as young adults, we prize ourselves on the fact that we have a job and are able to pay the bills and make ends meet; but what's the point of all this money if all we do is the bare minimum - pay bills, and go on shopping and eating sprees? Or what about our time - which I like to refer to as this foreign concept that I can longer make sense of - in between life's obligations like work, school, job, friends, family, religion - there's very little left of it - and even that which we do have, I'll be the first one to admit that I should receive the procrastinator, time-waster award of the year...the case in point is this - what are we really doing with our lives? Are we just going about as robots, treating every phase in our life as a ritual practice - minding our own business, making ends meet, immune or better yet, somehow trained ourselves to ignore and desensitize ourselves to all the turmoil, trials and tribulations that we know are  happening - in our own backyards and all around the world....

I was reading the article by Nosheen Iqbal about Dr. Abbas Khan's mother's response to her son's murder in Syria (http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/07/british-doctor-abbas-khan-syrian-jail-murdered) - who basically left this world serving others; he first went to Turkey for ten days to treat injured Syrian refugees and then went to Syria where he was captured and then eventually killed - for serving others. I personally know of another friend's husband who died in Egypt while peacefully protesting, someone else who's being held captive, family of friends who live in fear every day in Iraq - women afraid of being raped, men afraid of being kidnapped...and in our own Canadian backyards, human trafficking (yup right here: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/thunder-bay/native-canadian-women-sold-on-u-s-ships-researcher-says-1.1325167), youth suicides in Northern communities - conditions equivalent to third world countries if not worse, domestic violence/abuse...the list goes on and on...

Let's be proactive in our efforts - it's our moral and basic human responsibility to help one another, stand up and support one another; stand side by side against oppression, violence, poverty, abuse...I'm not saying we pack our bags and go, but let's think and be creative in how we can give back with all the blessings we do have in our lives...whether it be through donations, volunteering for an organization, or just helping someone in need...

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in 

the service of others." - Mahatma Gandhi